An editor questions a polished essay’s claim to speak for everyone. The writer’s own notebook contains the voice his elegant ending had reduced.
01Read the Arabic story
لِمَاذَا أَعَادَتِ الْمُحَرِّرَةُ أَفْضَلَ مَقَالٍ كَتَبْتُهُ؟
أَعَادَتْ هَالَةُ مَقَالِي عَنِ السَّاحَةِ الْمُجَدَّدَةِ، وَكَانَ أَفْضَلَ مَا كَتَبْتُ ذَلِكَ الشَّهْرَ، فِيمَا ظَنَنْتُ. وَضَعَتْ قَوْسًا أَحْمَرَ حَوْلَ جُمْلَةٍ أَحْبَبْتُ إِيقَاعَهَا: اسْتَعَادَتِ السَّاحَةُ أَهْلَهَا جَمِيعًا. وَكَتَبَتْ فِي الْهَامِشِ: مَنْ يَتَكَلَّمُ دَاخِلَ كَلِمَةِ «جَمِيعًا»؟ لَمْ تَطْلُبْ حَذْفَ الْمَقَالِ، لَكِنَّهَا لَمْ تَقْتَرِحْ جُمْلَةً بَدِيلَةً تَنْقُذُنِي مِنَ السُّؤَالِ.
عَلَى مَكْتَبِي صُورَةٌ لِلْمَصَابِيحِ الْجَدِيدَةِ، وَفِي طَرَفِهَا عَرَبَةٌ خَشَبِيَّةٌ تَبِيعُ مِنْهَا سَلْمَى الْخُبْزَ. تَذَكَّرْتُ أَنَّهَا مَدَحَتِ الضَّوْءَ حِينَ حَدَّثْتُهَا، ثُمَّ سَأَلَتْ أَيْنَ سَتَضَعُ الْعَرَبَةَ لَيْلًا بَعْدَ إِزَالَةِ الْمَخْزَنِ الصَّغِيرِ. كَتَبْتُ سُؤَالَهَا فِي دَفْتَرِي، غَيْرَ أَنَّنِي وَصَفْتُهُ فِي الْمَقَالِ بِأَنَّهُ تَرَدُّدٌ مَأْلُوفٌ أَمَامَ التَّغْيِيرِ.
كَانَ الْوَصْفُ سَهْلًا، إِذْ جَعَلَ صَوْتَهَا مَحَطَّةً قَصِيرَةً قَبْلَ النِّهَايَةِ الْمُشْرِقَةِ الَّتِي اخْتَرْتُهَا. لَمْ أَكُنْ قَدْ سَأَلْتُهَا إِنْ كَانَتْ تَرْفُضُ التَّجْدِيدَ أَصْلًا. فَتَحْتُ الدَّفْتَرَ، وَوَجَدْتُ أَنَّ سُؤَالَ الْمَخْزَنِ يَأْتِي بَعْدَ مَدْحِ الْمَصَابِيحِ، لَا بَدَلًا مِنْهُ. قَرَأْتُ الْمَقَالَ مَرَّةً أُخْرَى؛ كُلَّمَا اسْتَقَامَ إِيقَاعُهُ، اخْتَصَرْتُ مَا لَا يُسَاعِدُهُ.
عُدْتُ إِلَى السَّاحَةِ، وَسَأَلْتُ سَلْمَى عَمَّا فَعَلَتْ بِالْعَرَبَةِ. قَالَتْ إِنَّهَا تَدْفَعُهَا إِلَى فِنَاءِ أُخْتِهَا كُلَّ مَسَاءٍ، وَإِنَّ الْبَيْعَ صَارَ أَسْهَلَ بَعْدَ تَحْسِينِ الْمَمَرِّ. لَمْ تَمْنَحْنِي شَكْوَى خَالِصَةً وَلَا مَدِيحًا خَالِصًا. سَأَلَتْ إِنْ كُنْتُ أَعْرِفُ مَوْعِدَ فَتْحِ مَخْزَنٍ بَدِيلٍ. أَجَبْتُ أَنَّنِي لَا أَعْرِفُ، وَكَتَبْتُ هَذَا أَيْضًا.
فِي النُّسْخَةِ الْجَدِيدَةِ، أَبْقَيْتُ وَصْفَ الضَّوْءِ وَحَذَفْتُ «جَمِيعًا». أَضَفْتُ سُؤَالَ سَلْمَى مِنْ غَيْرِ أَنْ أَجْعَلَهُ حُجَّةً عَلَى فَشَلِ التَّجْدِيدِ كُلِّهِ. صَارَ الِانْتِقَالُ بَيْنَ الْفِقْرَتَيْنِ أَصْعَبَ، فَعَمِلْتُ عَلَيْهِ طَوِيلًا. وَلَمْ أَعُدَّ نَفْسِي نَاطِقًا بِاسْمِهَا، فَنَقْلُ سُؤَالِهَا لَا يَجْعَلُ مَقَالِي الْوَحِيدَ الْقَادِرَ عَلَى وَصْفِ الْمَكَانِ بِكُلِّ تَنَاقُضَاتِهِ. أَرْسَلْتُ الْمَقَالَ إِلَى هَالَةَ، وَتَرَكْتُ الدَّفْتَرَ مَفْتُوحًا. لَمْ أَعُدْ أَحْتَاجُ إِلَى إِغْلَاقِهِ كَيْ تَبْدُوَ النِّهَايَةُ مُكْتَمِلَةً.
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Hala returned my essay about the renovated square. It was the best thing I had written that month—or so I thought. She put a red bracket around a sentence whose rhythm I loved: “The square has reclaimed all its people.” In the margin she wrote, “Who speaks inside the word ‘all’?” She did not ask me to discard the essay, but she did not suggest a replacement sentence to rescue me from the question either.
On my desk lay a photograph of the new lamps. At its edge was a wooden cart from which Salma sold bread. I remembered that she had praised the lighting when I spoke to her, then asked where she would put the cart at night after the small storage building was removed. I had written her question in my notebook, yet in the essay I described it as familiar hesitation in the face of change.
The description was easy: it made her voice a brief stop before the bright ending I had chosen. I had not actually asked her whether she opposed the renovation at all. I opened the notebook and found that the question about storage followed her praise of the lamps, rather than replacing it. I read the essay again: whenever its rhythm fell into place, I had shortened what did not serve it.
I returned to the square and asked Salma what she had done with the cart. She said she pushed it to her sister’s courtyard every evening, and that selling had become easier after the walkway was improved. She gave me neither pure complaint nor pure praise. She asked whether I knew when a replacement storage building would open. I answered that I did not know, and wrote that down too.
In the new version, I kept the description of the light and deleted “all.” I added Salma’s question without turning it into an argument that the entire renovation had failed. Moving between the two paragraphs became harder, so I worked on the transition for a long time. Nor did I consider myself her spokesperson: including her question did not make my essay the only account capable of describing the place in all its contradictions. I sent the essay to Hala and left the notebook open. I no longer needed to close it to make the ending appear complete.
02Useful words from the story
| Arabic in the story | Meaning here |
|---|---|
| قَوْسًا أَحْمَرَ | a red bracket |
| إِيقَاعَهَا | its rhythm |
| فِي الْهَامِشِ | in the margin |
| تَرَدُّدٌ مَأْلُوفٌ | familiar hesitation |
| مَحَطَّةً قَصِيرَةً | a brief stop |
| اسْتَقَامَ إِيقَاعُهُ | its rhythm fell into place |
| خَالِصًا | pure; unmixed |
| حُجَّةً | an argument; supporting grounds |
| الِانْتِقَالُ | the transition |
| مُكْتَمِلَةً | complete |
03Check your understanding
Choose one answer. Trace what changes in the account, and distinguish evidence from assumptions about the outcome.
What to remember
- Praise and a practical objection can belong to the same person’s account; neither cancels the other.
- Revision preserves the writer’s craft while limiting a claim that had made an inconvenient voice disappear.
Explore the Arabic in this story
Related grammar and vocabularyOpen Araqick guides connected to this story.
Arabic Relative Pronouns: Joining Ideas with Alladhi and Allati
النِّهَايَةِ الْمُشْرِقَةِ الَّتِي اخْتَرْتُهَا
Follow allati as it links the feminine noun for ending to the clause describing the narrator’s choice.
Arabic Past-Tense Endings: I Wrote, You Wrote and We Wrote
وَكَتَبْتُ هَذَا أَيْضًا
Read the -tu ending of katabtu as identifying the narrator as the person who wrote the observation.
