An editor weighs the praise hidden inside an expectation to refuse an award.
01Read the Arabic story
الْجَائِزَةُ الَّتِي تَوَقَّعُوا أَنْ أَرْفُضَهَا
وَصَلَتْنِي دَعْوَةٌ لِتَسَلُّمِ جَائِزَةٍ عَنْ تَحْرِيرِ أَرْشِيفِ أَصْوَاتِ الْحَيِّ. كَانَ اسْمِي وَحْدَهُ عَلَى الْبِطَاقَةِ، مَعَ أَنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْخَاصٍ جَمَعُوا التَّسْجِيلَاتِ وَرَتَّبُوهَا. قَالَتْ مُعَلِّمَتِي سَامِيَةُ، وَنَحْنُ فِي غُرْفَةِ الْمُونْتَاجِ: «أَعْرِفُ أَنَّكِ سَتَرْفُضِينَ؛ أَنْتِ أَكْبَرُ مِنْ جَائِزَةٍ فَرْدِيَّةٍ». أَغْلَقَتِ الْبَابَ قَبْلَ أَنْ أُجِيبَ، فَبَقِيَ الْمَدْحُ أَشْبَهَ بِتَعْلِيمَاتٍ مُغَلَّفَةٍ بِلُطْفٍ. وَلَمْ يَبْقَ عَلَى الْحَفْلِ الْمُرْتَقَبِ إِلَّا ثَلَاثَةُ أَيَّامٍ.
كُنْتُ سَعِيدَةً، وَأَحْرَجَنِي أَنَّ سَعَادَتِي لَمْ تَخْتَفِ بَعْدَ كَلَامِهَا. كَتَبْتُ خِطَابَ رَفْضٍ، ثُمَّ قَرَأْتُهُ بِصَوْتٍ مُرْتَفِعٍ: أَنَا لَا أَقْبَلُ، أَنَا أُعِيدُ الْفَضْلَ، أَنَا أَتَنَحَّى. كَثُرَتْ «أَنَا» حَتَّى فِي الْجُمَلِ الَّتِي تَعِدُ بِإِخْفَائِهَا. وَتَخَيَّلْتُ صُورَةَ الْكُرْسِيِّ الْفَارِغِ، وَالتَّصْفِيقَ لِغِيَابِي، ثُمَّ وَضَعْتُ الْوَرَقَةَ تَحْتَ سَمَّاعَةِ الرَّأْسِ دُونَ أَنْ أُمَزِّقَهَا.
سَأَلْتُ رَنَا، الَّتِي نَقَّتِ الْمَقَاطِعَ، إِنْ كَانَ الرَّفْضُ يُنْصِفُهَا. لَمْ تُجِبْ عَنِ الْجَائِزَةِ؛ فَتَحَتْ مِلَفًّا وَأَسْمَعَتْنِي مَقْطَعًا حَذَفْتُهُ، لِأَنَّ الصَّوْتَ فِيهِ مُتَقَطِّعٌ. قَالَتْ: «قَضَيْتُ يَوْمَيْنِ فِي إِصْلَاحِ هَذَا، وَهُوَ وَحْدَهُ يَحْفَظُ ضَحْكَةَ صَاحِبِ الْوَرْشَةِ». عَدَّلْتُ الْمَسَارَ وَاسْتَمَعْنَا مَرَّةً أُخْرَى. لَمْ تَعُدِ الضَّحْكَةُ تَفْصِيلًا زَائِدًا فِي أُذُنِي.
كَتَبْتُ لِلْمُنَظِّمَةِ أَنَّنِي أَقْبَلُ تَكْرِيمَ عَمَلِي فِي التَّحْرِيرِ، وَطَلَبْتُ أَنْ يَذْكُرَ الْبَرْنَامَجُ أَسْمَاءَ الْفَرِيقِ وَمَهَامَّهُ. لَيْسَ الْأَرْشِيفُ إِنْجَازًا فَرْدِيًّا، وَلَكِنَّ هَذَا لَا يَجْعَلُ عَمَلِي وَهْمًا. أَرْسَلَتْ مُسَوَّدَةً مُعَدَّلَةً، فَرَاجَعْتُ وَصْفَ مُهِمَّةِ رَنَا مَعَ رَنَا؛ لَمْ أَكْتَفِ بِكَلِمَةِ «مُسَاعَدَةٍ» الَّتِي وَضَعْتُهَا أَنَا أَوَّلًا دُونَ تَفْكِيرٍ طَوِيلٍ.
فِي الْحَفْلِ وَضَعْتُ خِطَابَ الرَّفْضِ فِي حَقِيبَتِي، وَصَعِدْتُ الْمَنْصَّةَ. قُلْتُ جُمْلَتَيْنِ عَنْ تَحْرِيرِي، ثُمَّ طَلَبْتُ تَشْغِيلَ الْمَقْطَعِ الْمُصْلَحِ. كَانَتْ سَامِيَةُ تَنْظُرُ إِلَيَّ، وَلَمْ أَسْتَطِعْ قِرَاءَةَ وَجْهِهَا. أَمَّا رَنَا فَكَانَتْ تَتَابِعُ الصَّوْتَ، وَإِصْبَعُهَا يَعُدُّ الْوَقْتَ عَلَى الْبَرْنَامَجِ. أَمْسَكْتُ الْجَائِزَةَ بِفَرَحٍ لَمْ أُسَمِّهِ تَوَاضُعًا؛ لَكِنَّنِي لَمْ أَكُنْ أَسْمَعُ صَوْتِي وَحْدِي.
Show English translationHide English translation
An invitation arrived for me to receive an award for editing the neighbourhood's sound archive. Only my name was on the card, although four people had collected and organised the recordings. In the editing room, my teacher Samia said, ‘I know you will refuse; you are bigger than an individual award.’ She closed the door before I answered, leaving praise that resembled instructions wrapped in kindness. Only three days remained before the forthcoming ceremony.
I was happy, and I was embarrassed that my happiness had not disappeared after her words. I wrote a refusal speech, then read it aloud: I do not accept, I return the credit, I step aside. ‘I’ proliferated even in sentences promising to conceal it. I imagined the photograph of the empty chair and applause for my absence, then placed the sheet under the headphones without tearing it up.
I asked Rana, who had cleaned up the clips, whether refusing would do her justice. She did not answer about the award; she opened a file and played me a clip I had removed because its sound broke up. ‘I spent two days fixing this, and it alone preserves the workshop owner's laugh,’ she said. I adjusted the track, and we listened again. The laugh no longer sounded like an unnecessary detail to me.
I wrote to the organiser that I accepted recognition for my editing work and asked the programme to name the team and their tasks. The archive was not an individual achievement, but that did not make my work imaginary. She sent a revised draft. I checked the description of Rana's task with Rana; I did not settle for ‘assistance’, the word I had first put down without much thought.
At the ceremony I put the refusal speech in my bag and went onto the stage. I said two sentences about my editing, then asked for the repaired clip to be played. Samia was looking at me, and I could not read her face. Rana, meanwhile, was following the sound, her finger counting time on the programme. I held the award with a joy I did not call modesty, but I was not hearing only my own voice.
02Useful words from the story
| Arabic in the story | Meaning here |
|---|---|
| لِتَسَلُّمِ | to receive |
| مُغَلَّفَةٍ | wrapped |
| أَتَنَحَّى | I step aside |
| لِغِيَابِي | for my absence |
| نَقَّتِ | she cleaned up |
| مُتَقَطِّعٌ | broken up; intermittent |
| الْمَسَارَ | the audio track |
| تَكْرِيمَ | recognition of; honouring |
| مُسَوَّدَةً | a draft |
| تَوَاضُعًا | modesty |
03Check your understanding
Choose one answer per question. Track voices, omissions and competing accounts. Choose the reading best supported by the Arabic text.
What to remember
- The refusal speech can centre its speaker as much as an acceptance speech.
- Specific credited tasks and a restored recording test the narrator's claims against her actions.
Explore the Arabic in this story
Related grammar and vocabularyOpen Araqick guides connected to this story.
Kana in Arabic: Was and Were
كُنْتُ سَعِيدَةً
Kuntu places the female narrator's happiness in the past; the description is accusative.
Laysa in Arabic: Is Not and Is Not Here
لَيْسَ الْأَرْشِيفُ إِنْجَازًا فَرْدِيًّا
Laysa denies an individual description of the archive; the noun remains nominative.
